Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I touched a dick in church today
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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