It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
