It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
