i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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