Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
