You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
