i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
