My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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