it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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