How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
