Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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