He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
