Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
