She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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