i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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