I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
