i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
