Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
