Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
a search helicopter?!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
