i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And then he peed in my hair
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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