So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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