ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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