there's paper in my vomit.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
