Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
