Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
