Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
