Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
