Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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