Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
