By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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