Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
