I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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