His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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