he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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