I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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