Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
