im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
