I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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