You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
