He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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