what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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