is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
