I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
