Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
wow bdsm is so cute
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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