It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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