whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
are you so shy because you have an std?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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