My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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