Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
