Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
