so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
